Pretty much every night, in the moments before I actually fall asleep, I like to reflect on my day, my marriage, my friendships, my family and my life. I don't think about anything in particular; I just let my mind wander until it finds a place to settle and I sink down into my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts are light-hearted, emotional, or even deep and academia-like. I think it's during these quiet moments that I do some of my best thinking and I've often thought to myself, "I wish I wasn't so exhausted because I really should write this down." But just as quickly as the thoughts come, they're gone and I drift off for the night. The strange thing is that wasn't the case a couple nights ago. The subject of my thoughts really stuck with me.
That night before I went to sleep all I could think about were my memories. Not a single memory in particular but just how I actually remember things. It's amazing to me what moments in time my mind chooses to retain and which ones it rids itself of almost immediately.
I should start by saying that I have been exuberantly blessed throughout most of my life. I have so many amazing memories with my family and friends that I'll cherish forever. And that's why I find the idea of fleeting memories concerning. I've had so many moments that I remember thinking to myself, "don't forget this, remember everything about this forever."
My entire wedding day I was conscious of all the advice I received from other married couples who warned me that the day would fly by. They said it would be difficult to remember much of anything because there would be so much going on. So I made an effort to slow down throughout the day. I tried to take in all the details, to remember all the faces and the kind words. I told myself over and over again how important all the little moments were and still so many of them are lost to me. Of course I remember feeling all the love and support of our family and friends. I remember my first kiss and my first dance. I remember plenty of the small moments; but not all of them. And why is that? There are plenty of moments that I wouldn't mind forgetting; like all the details from the conversation I had with the check-out women at the grocery store today. She was perfectly pleasant and her birthday is one day after mine, and her name is Grace. But if I had to pick I'd gladly give up that memory to help me remember more moments with my grandfathers, or some of those moments in college when I first met my husband and best friends.
It's a mystery to me how the brain works and how it decides what we do and do not get to recall. It makes me grateful that of all the memories I do have, so many of them are filled with such wonderful people, sometimes in exotic places doing incredible things. But I am also grateful for all the memories I having of my best friends and I sitting in their dorm room reading cosmo magazine in college, or when my sister and I stayed up all night long making silly faces after my uncle's wedding. Since my memories seem selective I'm so happy to have the one's I do and I sincerely cherish them.
What's your favorite memory?
What's your favorite memory?
Thanks for reading.