September 17, 2014

Keeping Things Spicy

I'm so encouraged by the response to our first ever Mamas Tell All Linkup. It's important to us that this linkup serves as a way for moms to build a community of encouragement where we can all be open and talk about the real struggles and joys of mommyhood.

We're onto week two of the linkup and of course we want you to be a part of the fun! Make sure to follow the hosts and put the button in your post and on your sidebar! Then read some of the other posts and leave some comment love...you may learn a thing or two, and you'll definitely meet some fun new mamas!

This week were discussing how to keep your marriage alive after children.

Hosts

Everyday Thoughts The So-Called Homemaker That Southern Mama
Brittany from Everyday Thoughts // Christine from So Called Homemaker // Ashley from That Southern Mama
Grab button for Mamas Tell All

<div class="Mamas-Tell-All-button" style="width: 200px; margin: 0 auto;"> <a href="http://everydaythoughtsbybrittany.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow"> <img src="http://images2.snapfish.com/232323232%7Ffp83232%3Euqcshlukaxroqdfv586%3A%3Dot%3E2368%3D763%3D%3C4%3B%3DXROQDF%3E2%3B362%3C985323%3Aot
1lsi" alt="Mamas Tell All" width="200" height="200" />

We've all heard it before, "kids change everything" and no truer words were spoken. But change isn't always bad. What can be bad is not addressing the need for change. After children you and your spouse NEED to change how you function as a couple. Sure that applies to the day-to-day duties that keep a household functioning but it's so much more than that.

How you communicate has to change. For example, there have been times when I've found myself wanting to confront my husband about something and instead of just freely speaking my mind I'm cognizant of when my son is in the room. Even though he's only a little guy he doesn't need to be in the room when mommy and daddy discuss adult things.


How you manage your day has to change. It becomes a carefully orchestrated dance of pick ups and play times. Coordinating how dinner will get on the table and when the laundry will be folded. You try to save some semblance of pre-pregnancy normalcy. For us it was the nights when we cooked together but that's nearly impossible when you have a little one that doesn't understand that stoves are hot. The movie marathon weekends which now consist of Sesame Street, Cars and Finding Nemo. Or the quick trips to the grab grub which now require a diaper bag, a bottle, a change of clothes and loads of patience. 

How are you supposed to keep your marriage alive when suddenly most of your thoughts are commandeered by your little one and your energy level is at an all-time low?

I think the key is finding a balance in your life. Coming to terms with the fact that no mom is perfect, no household is perfect and no marriage is perfect, communicate with your spouse and finally be willing to change. Put date nights on the calendar. Commit to them and embrace them. Have dinners at the kitchen table and actually slow down and talk about your day. And if it's not at the kitchen table then make sure you really make an extra effort to talk and listen to your spouse. 

Keeping things in your marriage interesting after marriage takes time and effort. It takes trial and error and similar to taking children out to dinner, it takes lots of patience. Come to an understanding with your spouse that it's a work in progress. 

______________
_______________________
______________

Motherhood is a work in progress and it's important that we discuss the highs and the lows. Join us for future Mamas Tell All Linkups. Here are the upcoming topics:

September 24 - Kids and Eating - How to Get Around a Picky Eater.
October 1 - Choosing the Size of Your Family. How did you decide how many children is right for your family and why?  
October 8 - The Crappiest & Happiest of Motherhood.
October 15 - Making Motherhood Work - Are you a working mom, a stay at home mom or something else entirely, and how do you make that role work for your family? 
October 22 - Never Would I Ever, Until I Did - What things did you swear you'd never do as a mom and why (no pacis, no TV, etc.)? 
October 29 - Making time for Mama - How do you find time to relax and treat yourself? 
November 5 - Planning for the Future - Do you have a living will, guardianship and college saving funds in place. What's necessary and how do you make sure your child is prepared for the future? 
November 12 - Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle when you have children. 

14 comments:

  1. Communication is key! I couldn't stress that any clearer than you have. It is a lot harder now which a bub and I'm learning this very quickly!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Definitely agree with realizing no marriage or home is perfect! Once we get that out of the way everything can calm down a little bit! We love having dinner at our table, so much more interaction that way! Excited to read everybody's post today!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Balance is good, & needed!

    ReplyDelete
  4. As our daughter gets older, our "normal" dinner conversations are now saved for after she goes to bed because she likes to be the star of the show. But you're so right that communication is so important - no matter when or where it happens!

    ReplyDelete
  5. absolutely. Finding the balance is key. It may take a few years of trial and error, but it's important to get ahold of :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. The trial and error can be frustrating at times but as long as you and your spouse keep the perspective that you're on the same team you're one step ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love dinner and show! That happens at our house too! I agree it's just all about making time to be adults and have adult conversation.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I heard (somewhere) that children are more successful in life when they sit for a family meal 5 times or more a week. I bet that's because they see first hand the effectiveness of communication.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've become so much more intentional in what I say and how I say it. I've learned it's no always the amount of time you spend communicating so much as clearly articulating your point. No time to waste when you're chasing little ones.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So true -- It's IS so important to SLOW DOWN and enjoy time together! Great thoughts :) I'm excited to add my post to the link-up ::http://www.mitchaeljourney.com/2014/09/marriage-after-baby.html
    ~Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is so true! No time to waste, that's for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think this is such a great point! Sometimes, time is the most important investment you can make in your relationship! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a fun article. ;)

    ReplyDelete