September 7, 2015

Why I Quit My Job


I haven't discussed it much but after I found out that we were expecting our second child my husband and I made the very tough decision for me to step away from work. That decision wasn't made lightly and the process to become a stay at home mom (SAHM) involved prayer, arguments and a good bit of soul searching. We believed it was a decision made in the best interests of our growing family and my personal health. I say my personal health because they still do not know why I had my first son prematurely (but I have some of my own suspicions).

At the time my first son was born I worked in advertising for one of the largest and most well known ad agencies in the world. I was surrounded by extremely ambitious young professionals who all seemed to have graduated top of their respective class, while being a student athlete, the president of their fraternal organization or they were named most promising young mind of the century - okay that last one might be a stretch but I am a big fan of hyperbole and honestly that's what it felt like to me. Being surrounded by that type of talent in such a fast paced, high pressure job was a huge motivator for me. But I got caught up in a world of perception and keeping up with the Jones, or in my case keeping up with my cube mate. The show and dance took its toll. Since most of the employees under middle maunagaemt weren't issued laptops it forced us to work from the limiting confines of our grey cubicles, which meant when my buddy across the hall stayed until 9 p.m. so too did I. I didn't want people to get the impression that I wasn't a team player or that I was some sort of slacker. But it was never just one night a week, it was almost daily that I enjoyed 2-3 of my meals from my rotating office chair. And when the work was done the collective group of talented and extremely beautiful people all made their way to the bar downstairs to throw back some adult beverages. I was pregnant so I didn't drink but like I said I got caught up in a game of perception and I wanted to fit in, so many times I joined the group for a late night decompression session while I sipped on water and watched them relax with the help of some drinks. 

I thought I was relaxing but hindsight is 20/20. Now I can clearly see the high level of stress and anxiety I was under, daily. I was constantly fighting to be noticed for my work but it was very plain to see that I was one of the only married, and now pregnant, women in my position. There was a reason for that - stress. I believe my body shut down. It said enough is enough and my water broke early because I couldn't manage. Well at least that's what I think.

Knowing all this prompted the discussion to transition to a SAHM when I was expecting baby #2. I was working for a different, more family friendly agency but the fact remains that advertising, as an industry, is unrelenting in its hours and expectations. I realize I'm talking about advertising and no we are not saving lives but you are up against tight deadlines and it was my job to make sure the clients were happy which meant I was on call almost all the time, glued to my phone and a slave to my laptop. I couldn't put myself through the same type of experience I had with baby #1. I took the plunge and I made a decision, along with my husband, that I never dreamt I would make - I quit my job and I now stay home with the kids.

When I walked into the office the dayI broke the news I was trembling. This was hands down one of the scariest decisions I had ever made, not just for my career but for my family as well. It meant we'd need to survive on a single income with two children. It meant we would have to live within a budget, that Starbuck runs were basically eliminated, that the stress of providing financially now was on my husband's shoulders. It also meant that the I needed to provide an environment for my children that's stimulating, educational and ever-changing. It meant my dreams of progressing up the career ladder would change forever. The future as I saw it would be forever changed. 

Everyday I struggle with the decision we made. That's not to say I'm not happy to be home with my beautiful children or that I'm not grateful for the sacrifices my husband has made but I still worry. What if my littles are watching too much TV? What if I spend too much money this week? What if I just need a break every once in a while? What if my house is a mess and there's a pile of laundry on the floor? What if I don't balance meals for my boys?

I could drown myself in the "what ifs" and worry. The days can be long and life as a SAHM can be lonely and stressful in a ways I never anticipated but I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I do envision this as a temporary situation. I think I will go back to a traditional job at some point but for now I'm freelancing and loving each snuggle, diaper change (okay maybe not that) and the afternoons of sidewalk chalk and Mickey Mouse Club.



I'm praying for guidance as I journey through this phase of life, one I never dreamed of prior to children. I'm praying for patience during the long days, for wisdom to raise and nourish my children and most of all for new dreams for my future. A future that God intends for me because through all this I've learned that his plan is bigger than my own. He sees things I simply cannot and he is the captain of this ship. 

Since having children have you transitioned to a become a working mom or SAHM? How are you handling the change? 

Be Blessed,
Brittany
Email Me Follow Me On Bloglovin Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Follow Me On Pinterest Follow Me On Instagram Follow Me On Google+

19 comments:

  1. When I got pregnant with my first child my husband and I talked and decided that the best thing for us was for me to be a SAHM and now with 2 kids it is still the best thing for our family and even though it has been this way for 7 years I always think about am I spending too much or am I doing enough. It can be stressful at times but I would not change this job for anything in the world I love being able to be a SAHM to my boys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is the best job in the world but I'm hoping I get more used to the budgeting part of it!

      Delete
  2. I worked with my first two and started staying home with my third, I loved teaching but I love being a SAHM mom more, and now that mine are all in school, I am looking into subbing to have the best of both worlds! Best of luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Subbing will be such a great way to incorporate a career into your life with your littles!! Good luck to you too!

      Delete
  3. Hang in there! Being there for your kids is the most rewarding job you will ever have!
    My youngest starts kindergarten on Friday and then the count down clock starts for when I re-enter the work force.
    Once she is in grade 1 there is no reason for me to be home...the floors can only be so clean!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations on kindergarten, that's such a big step and rewnteri g the work force it sounds like big transitions for both you and your little!

      Delete
  4. I was in a new school district when I got pregnant with our first and found out I wouldn't be able to get maternity leave...and with a baby due in July and school starting a month later, it would have been too hard. So I became a SAHM, something I never thought I would do, but I love every minute of it! And living on one income can be stressful, but we've learned to do without certain extras or use gift cards to get Starbucks or have dinner out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're exactly right Kelly one income living is stressful but the stress is worth the reward of getting to spend time with my boys! It also has taught me to be grateful for those little extras that I used to take for granted!

      Delete
  5. I was in a new school district when I got pregnant with our first and found out I wouldn't be able to get maternity leave...and with a baby due in July and school starting a month later, it would have been too hard. So I became a SAHM, something I never thought I would do, but I love every minute of it! And living on one income can be stressful, but we've learned to do without certain extras or use gift cards to get Starbucks or have dinner out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think we all question our decisions, but it sounds like you made the best decision for your family. I can imagine staying home comes with its own after hours stress! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely I don't think I ever gave SAHMs enough credit when I was working in an office environment!

      Delete
  7. My transition from a working mom to SAHM was extremely challenging! I felt like if I did not get things done around the house that I failed. I did not realize how much effort it took to entertain a toddler and a baby. In hindsight, I was not prepared for the challenges of what being a SAHM consisted of. I was use to a schedule, being orderly, people following directions. That does not happen at home...especially when your husband was SAHD and a laid back one and mom worked long hours. There were lots of arguments, my stress level was high...but as I sit here now and write this...I would not change it. Staying at home is not for everyone and I never imagined me doing it, but ever since I did, I cannot imagine anyone but myself taking care of my babies. They grow fast and the time spent with them is precious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You seemed to take the words right out of my mouth! I find it hard that I can't easily measure success. At work there were goals and I could use charts, feedback... To make sure I was meeting those goals at home the diapers pile up everyday and the floors are always dirty. It seems like the job is never done (because it isn't). I've been struggling with that aspect of staying home a lot.

      Delete
  8. Good for you for choosing to spend more time with your children and although you have made a of sacrifices it has allowed you to be a more active mother!
    http://www.fadedspring.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  9. For me the decision to stay home with my kids was very easy. I knew I wanted to create a warm, snugly, learning nest for them and I needed to be at home to create it. The hand that rocks the handle....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Knowing I'm creating that safe environment for my boys is one of the most rewarding part of staying home!

      Delete
  10. When I was in college and starting my career I could never have imagined staying home. And then I got pregnant. Because finances were not an issue I quit my job and stayed home. I never looked back, but then one day I thought it's time to do something again and I headed back to school for my teaching credential (It was business and econ the first go round). After eight years at home and three babies - I was ready to go back. For me, the greatest gift at the time was being able to have a choice. I loved my time at home - and those are treasured memories. Enjoy every moment! They go by fast!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stacey, that's so well put. Having the choice is the true blessing (outside of spreading time with your children). I know there are so many moms that would love to be in my situation and I need to remember not to wish this days (and long sleepless nights) away! Good for you for going back to school and changing your career!

      Delete