These past few months have been full of uncertainty. Late at night, I wonder what's next. What will happen to me in the next few months? Who will I meet next that will be a part of my life? Will I get what I prayed for, or will I become disappointed? Will I still have my job, or will I be interested in my job in the future? The fact is, I don't know. These questions all contemplate the future and what's to come. In my younger days, I was so positive and confident about life. Maybe life has knocked me down and brought me back from reality. Or I've gotten slightly more cautious as I've gotten older. As I've gotten older, I have found a constant. This constant has kept me sane. This constant has brought me contentment. This constant has brought me purpose. This constant is God.  I've listened to this podcast recently called trusting beyond knowing by TD Jakes and reflecting on what God's word says. After reflecting, I feel encouraged. Here are some of my podcast thoughts and reflection on God's word.

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Suffering with Purpose

After a hangout, a long semester of work, and graduate school, I returned to being myself. I decided to do this hip-hop class with a friend and had another plan with a friend to go hiking the next day. The class was great, and it felt like I was returning to myself. I had a fun time. When I lay my head down at night, I remember smiling and having anxiety that something terrible would happen. The next day something wrong did happen; I got a phone call to take my mom to the hospital. We went to the hospital, and things went well, and it looked like it would be a quick visit, and she would receive the help she needed, and then we would go home. I was wrong, and things suddenly started to decline. I remember talking to my mom and watching TV. When the channel I turned, there was a prayer that has always spoken to me on a spiritual level. It was the serenity prayer. I shook my head and didn't think much of it as I updated my family and stepped out of the room for a second.

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A High (Spiritual)

You ever go to a conference, vacation, or trip and felt like you had the most incredible time of your life? Well, that just happened to me this past weekend. I went to a training in Missouri. I was encouraged by the lord. I felt challenged by the lord, which made me question some of my future choices. Friends prayed over me and encouraged me to keep going in this challenging season. I met new friends who made me laugh, had deep conversations, and prayed over me. I haven't experienced this high in a long time. It was good, I felt alive, and most of all, I felt in my element. I experienced a high, but what do you do when the high starts to settle? Now I'm back in my hometown. Things seemed dull, and I felt like I was missing something. I needed a genuine connection. Community is what I didn't have in my hometown. It was such a blessing to be seen and loved by a group. I had a spiritual high. The people demonstrated what the community was supposed to do. The community prays, eats together, has fun, and meets the needs of each other. I had a hard time adjusting from having a group of people that resembled for a week to not having nobody to be in a community within my hometown. Coming down from the high, I remember what I don't have and wish I had here in my hometown. As I settle back into my home, I begin remembering responsibilities, fears, insecurities, and the mundane activities that I have to do. How do I get over my high and move forward in the present? How do I get over this high?

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